A Hard Day

And just like that, the overwhelmingness (is that a word?) sets in. I still have a peace and calm about our life not being normal anymore, but a new wave of emotion has hit me. I knew we had to sell our cars, but I didn't think I would barely have time to clean out my van before Will drove it away for the last time. This was our first "family of 4" car. We bought it on ebay from Miami when Jack was only 3 months old. As I'm rushing to clean it out, I am flooded with emotions and sweet memories of my young family. All I could do was cry/sob and say over and over again "Lord thank you for blessing us with this car and for keeping our family safe in it."

I remember when I first got the van I went through a weird few months of coming to grips with "I am no longer a cool mom...I have a mini-van" but then got over it and have completely loved it.

Yes I was even the nerd who had the Riverdale Elementary School sticker on the back. Might as well embrace the complete suburban mom status right? And now we're down to one car. Haven't not had a car since I was 16...weird feeling.

So now we're in the process of selling Will's jeep...this will be the hardest of all. I think our whole family will cry when we sell it. Will's mom won this jeep from Kroger back in 1999 and we eventually bought it from them after they literally just drove it to the post office and back for several years. This jeep has been perfect for Will and so fun for our family. I think the mini-van and jeep dynamic has been very fitting for us. It's really hard to let it go.

I told a friend last night that selling the van was our first step in getting rid of things we really love. Garage sales, cleaning out attics, getting rid of treadmills and moving to an apartment is all part of simplifying life. It's kind of freeing in a way. But this is something different. It's completely personal. When I'm selling stuff I still use every day like my van, my microwave, coffee pot and my bed (some actually came and bought my bedding off my bed), it becomes a feeling of panic and fear which I know has to do with a loss of control. I'm really starting to feel that I have very little possessions...almost nothing.

My friend Shelby was so nice to come over and help me pack up the rest of the kids toys to give away (see this is the simplifying part, so not as hard). The kids were out, so when she offered to help, I put her to work. We loaded up the car with most of their toys and only kept the stuff they really love to play with that I knew we could take with us.

American Girl doll stuff, a cleaned out jewelry box and maybe 4 stuffed animals

Art supplies, army men, lincoln logs and matchbox cars

And we weeded down the books from about 400 to maybe 20. This was hard. I love books and the memories they bring back.

Got rid of their winter clothes (don't need them in Costa Rica) and they now only have about 2 pair of shoes each.

I was dreading when they would come in the door and see what little they were left with. I was prepared for anger towards me and lots of tears. But they both walked in their closet, smiled, and said "this is perfect...exactly what I play with". Done. They amaze me.

We told the kids that we got them each a Costa Rica surprise. They get them now but have to wait to wear them the day we leave. They each got a pair of Keens and they are so excited. Emma said "this can be the only pair of shoes I take and I'll wear them every day" and Jack said "Mom watch how I can run so fast in these." Typical.

"Do not lay for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21