Completely Incapable

I remember blogging when we first moved here about listening in church. Church is all in Spanish and I remember the title of my blog was less than 1% which referred to how much I understood of the sermon that day. We hadn't started Languge school yet at the time and I was ready to go. I wanted to get this journey started and start beginning to understand something around me!

It was about a month ago while sitting in church at Vida Abudante del Este that it dawned on me. I think I understand more than 80% of what the pastor said that Sunday. There will always be the moments of speed talking during illustrations or jokes that I don't think I'll ever get, but I pretty much followed the whole thing. I had to take a picture of that moment. What was even cooler was that Will commented on the way home from church about how much he understood as well. Remember, I took 2 years of French in high school which was 16 years ago and that's it. I knew "hola" when we moved here and I'm pretty sure I didn't even pronounce that right. This language learning process is an amazing thing. And it really does take right at a year to adjust to this whole process.

 

On August 1st we will have lived here in Costa Rica for one year. My how our life has changed. It is so difficult to describe to people back home and yet I want everyone to experience it (seriously...we love having visitors). There are so many cultural differences that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to them all, but I'm realizing that's okay. Spanish is so difficult that I'm not sure I will ever be able to use the "f" word ("fluent") about myself, but that's okay. Costa Rican families are such tight units here that I find it difficult to break in and make friends, but that's okay. I honestly feel completely incapable all the time, and that's okay.

A friend of mine blogged about this very topic recently about their year at language school and I couldn't agree more. I have really felt completely incapable in all aspects of my life here this past year. After a year of feeling that way, it can really drain you and get downright depressing. I got so tired of crying about it. Just to live life is so demanding you wonder where the days go and what exactly you have accomplished. I had to get out of that mindset big-time! I've been in class hearing Spanish for 5 hours a day, 5 days a week for a year and I still don't have a lot of confidence in speaking this language. How frustrating! Of course, I'm not super-talkative in English anyway so I guess the lack of confidence is pretty normal. Have I ever mentioned that I hate the feeling of embarrassment? Yeah...anyway. But the feeling of being completely incapable has turned me to the Lord like never before. It is absolutely a requirement to stay grounded in God's truth to give me identity, purpose, confidence and a feeling of worth. And just to pray for a correct mindset, peace and for His help daily.

He is the one that sustains me.

I want to remember this always in my life and I hope I will....no matter where I live.